Mom guilt takes up residence in all kinds of sneaky places. Let’s address one of those today.
I am never here to mom-bash, so I am definitely not linking to this or mentioning usernames. While meandering on Pinterest, I saw a pin about mom checklists, specifically “Can’t Miss Photos of the Month.”
There were something like 50 photo opportunities listed here! If this were a list for the whole year, it might be conceivable. Being a checklist of 50 photos you “can’t miss” of your kids each MONTH means 90% of people pinning that are going to fail, miserably. And with that idealism + failure equation, mom guilt sets in.
Do you have a handful of pictures of each kid each year? You’re doing fine. (Bonus points if YOU are in any of them!)
I had a looming fear when I had a second child that I wouldn’t take “enough” pictures of him. Whatever “enough” means. I love taking pictures, and I had taken a plethora of my oldest because he was so stinkin’ adorable all the time. Probably ridiculous, but one of my biggest concerns about adding a second child was that they wouldn’t feel as special because I wouldn’t focus solely on them – wouldn’t take as many pictures. That there would be digital and print evidence that I “loved the older one more.”
After child #2 being on the planet for a full year, let me tell you. There are just as many pictures. In fact, I upgraded to a smart phone recently so there are actually BETTER pictures this time around. Gasp. There are so many sweet moments between the two boys that I take photos on an almost-daily basis.
I have my own checklist – make sure I take a photo the day a child joins our family, and on each birthday. Sometimes I remember to take one on “firsts.”
But about “firsts.” I have learned this – it is far more important to be engaged, present, actually watching the firsts, than it is to be taking photos or videos. In 20 years, it might be fun for your child to page through photos of their firsts. It might impress or entertain some relatives or a future child-in-law. But really, those firsts are the most important to you as their parent. And what you hold most dear will be a strong memory of having actually witnessed this event, not a sterile photo of it taking place.
While we’re on this topic, let me address scrapbooks. If this is a hobby of yours, wonderful! Go forth and craft. If it’s not, let it go! Remember our moms’ photo books of yesteryear? There were some pictures with names or dates scrawled on maybe half of them, jammed into photo albums. Done. And our lives weren’t any less rich for it.
Maybe a lesser guilt: printing physical photos. This is one I feel distinctly, as a natural cynic. I assume that the internet is going to fail me at some point in the future, and my photos backed up in the mysterious “cloud” will disappear. And then who will get to see all the badly-timed smartphone photos I took?!
I have decided to let go of that mom guilt by specifically printing photos once a year. Around December, after everybody’s birthdays in November, I go on a spree one night and choose pictures to print. I get them done “overnight” to our local-ish Walmart and pick them up the next day when I go to pick up my photo Christmas cards. Sometimes some of them make it in an album. Good enough.
I’m going to try photobooks this next year – supposedly I can use my Instagram and have them automatically curated and delivered to me. Sounds wonderful!
Be present with your kids. Put down the camera/phone. Watch and encourage and feel.
That sense of family created by memories is what you’re really after. Photographic evidence that it existed is just extra.