Step 2: Buckle both children into carseats. Pinch your finger and stick it in your mouth quickly to dull the pain and cork up the curse words. Today might be the day your 2-year-old decides to talk in public.
Step 3: Drive to the store, using skills from AP Geometry to choose a parking spot closest to both the door and a cart corral.
Step 5: Begin praying that the 2-year-old will walk calmly through the store and not break anything.
Step 6: Shop. Interrupt shopping to feed baby, even though you did that right before you left the house. Avoid eye contact with the older lady who looks totally weirded out that you’re nursing in the aisle.
Step 7: Finish shopping. Take cart full of clothes and children to fitting room, intentionally breaking the “no carts in fitting room” rule.
Step 8: Try on clothes. Interrupt trying on to feed baby again. Giggle with toddler about how funny nudity is.
Step 9: Check out. Toddler is upset that naked time is over, and insists on being carried. Baby is convinced he is still hungry, and starts wailing from the cart. Hold toddler in one arm, jiggle cart with one foot, and use some remaining appendage to swipe credit card.
