Stay At Home Mom Encouragement – Mostly Caffeinated

Quarantine Boredom Busters – for adults!

March 19, 2020Juli

Social media is being inundated with ideas of how to occupy your children while they’re out of school/in quarantine this spring. But what about you? You might be juggling working from home and trying to help your kids with their distance learning, but in the event you have free time and can no longer socialize or go out on errands, what could you do?

Here are some ideas for beating quarantine boredom.

I’m an introvert – I’m essentially an expert on staying home and occupying myself!

Learn a language
Or brush up on the one you learned in high school. Many local libraries have free access to https://www.duolingo.com/ or other language learning websites/apps. Maybe you even still have your old workbooks gathering dust in the basement. Now’s the time! (Double down and teach it to your kids or spouse or pet, too.)

Declutter
If you’ve been meaning to get on this minimalism bandwagon (or you did so several years ago and the clutter has crept back in…. hahem…) now is a great time. Plus you’ll be sitting in your house looking at all this STUFF that makes you irritated – great time to get rid of it!
I have a dedicated “purge” closet where I toss anything I find on a given day that I want to declutter. It’s probably best in the event of a multi-week quarantine declutter to have a dedicated space. I guarantee you’ll find more than a tote full of stuff!

Little home improvement projects
Have painting you’ve been neglecting? New hardware to put up in the kitchen? A piece of trim that’s come loose? Outlet covers to replace?

Catch up on memory keeping
Whatever it is that you do – order printed photos online? Scrapbook? Baby books that are years past current (raises hand!)

Cook/bake
I think a lot of us secretly enjoy cooking or baking, but not in the “just got home from work and have to make dinner” kind of way. Take the opportunity to try fun recipes if you can find the ingredients. Or start some sourdough bread (takes hardly any ingredients!) Get creative with weird pantry items you find way in the back.

Work on that TBR list
What?! You don’t HAVE a TBR (too be read) list??? Time to get one, I guess.
I have a TBR shelf. Bookshelf. Two 6-foot-tall bookshelves. =)

Start your garden
Every year, we pledge to start our garden earlier. We never find the time until late May, so our veggies never really get a good start and never produce much. If you’re finding yourself at home for the majority of spring, order some seeds and get them started indoors! (You can garden in flowerpots if you’re an apartment dweller.)

Spring Cleaning
I know, I know, that doesn’t sound fun. But might as well pick one small thing a day and get it done. Baseboards one day? Dust ceiling fans one day? Scrub off kitchen cabinets, clean the inside of your washing machine, vacuum under the couch cushions… you get the idea. It should take 10-15 minutes to do one of those, and by the end of three weeks your house will be SO. CLEAN.

Any more adult boredom-busters to share? Leave a comment! We’re all in this together.

Postpartum Body Image

January 30, 2019February 18, 2019Juli

Body image is such a journey. Postpartum is such a journey.

It’s exhausting.

postpartum body image

I feel like I was given a serious lucky break when it comes to my postpartum body, in that I morphed gradually. After my first baby, I snapped back to my pre-pregnancy weight almost immediately, had very few stretch marks, and felt very much like myself.
After the second, there was some unusual thickness around the middle and a little different hair texture (my curls fell into moreso waves) but overall, still alright.

But this third baby… oh, daughter, what you hath wrought.

I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.
There is some kind of lower-abdomen situation that cannot be disguised even by Spanx.
My skin seems to have taken a serious turn – vicious acne during and after pregnancy, texture problems, some sort of extreme dryness? and total lack of vitality or elasticity.
My hair fell out in clumps and has grown back in so much straighter. (I self-identify with my big, curly hair – this is a blow.)
Essentially, I look and feel like a mom of four and am fighting tooth and nail not to “let myself go.”

It’s not that I don’t care how I look anymore. It’s not that I’m no longer interesting in style. It’s not even that I’m too tired and pressed for time to look presentable.
It’s that everything I knew about my physical self is different. I spent decades of my life, as most women do, getting to know my body, my skin, my hair – its limitations, its beauty, the way to get it to look and feel its best. And all the sudden I’m starting all over.

I’m too old for this.

I should not be hitting another awkward middle school stage in my 30s.

I knew how to dress myself to my best advantage, how to style my hair, how to take care of my face as best I could. And I’ve gone back in time to a bathroom full of failed products, scraping my hair up in a ponytail because it “won’t behave,” throwing on baggy clothing and hoping for the best.

I know, deep down, that it doesn’t matter what I look like. That nothing about my value as a person or a mother has anything to do with my physical appearance. But it matters to ME.
Sometimes I think we (mothers? society? I don’t know who the “we” is) forget that something gets to matter JUST FOR THE MOTHER.
I’m preoccupied with trying to accept myself, AGAIN, when I thought I’d already gotten those issues out of the way in my early 20s. I don’t want to go back to my whole life before kids, I’d just like to feel in my skin the way I used to. Comfortable. Sassy. Take-me-or-leave-me. A little quirky and a little effortless and a little classy.

I don’t know where that woman is hiding, behind these eye bags and droopy flannels and stringy hair. I really want to find her. I forget sometimes that there are a good many people in my life who’ve NEVER MET HER. Who didn’t know me before children. I feel like they’re missing out. I’m missing out. My husband/ life partner/ best friend is missing out. I’m missing out.

Let me tuck my mom stomach into my high-waist-control-top leggings and do some yoga. Maybe there I’ll find a little bit of her.

Unusual Sanity-Savers for Mom

August 27, 2018Juli

I don’t do much in the “usual” fashion – mothering, or the rest of my life.

So “normal” moms might do things like spa days, girls’ nights, color-coding… that’s not my jam. Here are some sanity-savers I use in my house that might be more eccentric.

tea and lavender - unusual sanity savers for moms

I don’t fold half the laundry.

Seriously, why? Have you ever stopped to consider WHY you fold laundry?
Some things get wrinkly if they’re not folded – fine. But my underwear? My toddler’s socks? The washcloths? None of that needs folding, truly, and it saves so much time not to! I don’t fold my pants and shirts, either; I hang them up.

Afternoon coffee.

My 4-year-old is an early bird, and I am definitely NOT. So a peaceful cup of morning coffee sans-kiddos is not ever going to happen in my life.
Instead, I take my big huge mug of coffee during nap time in the afternoon. Then I can truly sit down and unwind without any crazy background antics going on. For maximum effect, take with a healthy portion of chocolate.

Dum Dums

Yes, I dare to give my kids artificial colors and flavors and sugars, in the middle of 2018 parenting. If I have an important errand to run, or something goes long, or it would be very inappropriate to deal with a meltdown (Good Friday church, for example) I hand my little boys Dum Dum suckers and say a little prayer for the health of their teeth. It keeps them quiet for about ten minutes, so maybe I can use my brain to figure out something in a store, or can deal with a car repair, or can make a phone call.

Subscriptions

I can’t be bothered to remember things like razors and shaving cream so I use Dollar Shave Club.

I can’t remember diapers and wipes, either (nor can I fit them in a cart with three small children!) so I have them automatically shipped from Target and Amazon, respectively. Also on my Amazon subscriptions are such gems as pee mats for the dog, dishwasher tabs, my tea, mascara, and M&Ms. Not kidding.

There are subscription services for so many things these days – even clothing and shoes, if you find you don’t have time or desire to keep up with clothing yourself. Whatever you can take off your plate for no or small additional cost, go for it!

Extremely Routine Meal Planning

I serve the same kind of food on the same day of the week, every week.

Sunday: Something using the fresh groceries (experiment new recipe night)
Monday: Rice, meat, veggie
Tuesday: Tacos (or nachos, quesadillas, etc)
Wednesday: Pasta
Thursday: Sandwiches or Breakfast for dinner
Friday: Pizza
Saturday: Pasta

Every. Single. Week. Meal planning saves you from thinking about meals at 4 pm: my way saves me from thinking about meal planning. I can vary things like meats and vegetables and sauces based on what was on sale at the grocery store, but the framework is there. My kids enjoy it, too, since they always know what’s for dinner.

Extremely Routine Entertaining / Vacationing

I throw the same parties, over and over. Every single 4th of July, I throw an identical party with the same food, same beverages, same lawn games. Every Christmas gathering I throw is the same, every year. Every kids’ first birthday party has the same food and cake, just decorated differently around a loose theme (but every theme is a children’s book, so still very similar!)

Every group vacation, I bring the same food and entertainment to contribute. Every camping trip, we plan and eat the same food. I even pack the same clothes for any vacation of similar temperature.

I even do identical activities every Advent with my family, every Hanukkah season, etc. I make the same treats to share every holiday season. Holiday traditions are secretly easy ways to have fun without thinking too hard.

These parties, vacations, etc are only planned once a year, so it’s not super repetitious or obvious that I’m doing the same thing as last year. I keep permanent lists for packing and grocery shopping, permanent record of how many batches I need to bake, how many paper goods to have on hand, the whole nine yards. When the event or trip is coming up, I whip out my lists and just do the same thing I did last time.

With all those tips, am I totally sane now?

Of course not. I have four kids – I am obviously nuts. But at least I can keep some of the crazies at bay, find a few minutes of me-time, and celebrate events without being completely berserk. Worth it!

Anything unusual you do to keep your sanity? Share!

The Simple Joys of Postpartum Life

June 21, 2018Juli

No sugarcoating: postpartum (the “fourth trimester,” if you will) Is no walk in the park. It’s a messy, uncomfortable, sleepless stage of life.

But man, there are some really sweet things, too.

simple joy of postpartum

Finally getting to look that baby in the face! The sweet, squishy, cross-eyed face.
STOMACH SLEEPING. I didn’t even realize how often I end up on my stomach before morning, and how insanely comfortable it is.
New topics of conversation. Maybe this doesn’t apply to everybody, but as a hardcore introvert I find small talk to be quite difficult. Toting a new little baby around creates its own conversation.
No one notices how you look. Related to #3, everybody is looking at that adorable baby, and no one is looking at your (crazy unwashed) hair or your (rumpled goobered) clothes.
Napping justification. It’s hard even for the most entrenched mom guilt to judge you for catching some snooze time when baby does (it’s even decreed by doctors!)
Slowing down and letting go. My midwife seriously told me not to lift a finger for two weeks. So I didn’t. It was marvelous! Turns out the world keeps spinning even if I don’t do my own laundry, dishes, cooking, or cleaning.
An appreciation for “normal.” It’s lovely after 9 months of upheaval to find a new “normal” routine, without myriad appointments or making tentative plans for the month you’re due. It’s actually enjoyable to bend over and pick up things off the floor, get out of bed, shave your legs, cut your own toenails, etc after months of these tasks being serious hard work. Gives you a renewed sense of gratitude for your body in it’s “normal” state.

I’m sure there are many, many more postpartum joys that I haven’t included in this list. Leave a comment if you’ve got more positivity about postpartum to share!

The Prayers of a Mother

April 19, 2018Juli

My mother (and other wise mothers in my life) have always admonished me that prayer is a mother’s most powerful tool. That having children of my own would cause me the height of all worry, and, in turn, anxious prayer.

They were right.

prayers of a mother

In no particular order, a prayer that:

That my toddlers don’t manage to poison themselves while I take a 5 minute shower

That someone is kind to my 13-year-old on his first day of a new school

That there is enough juice so I can avoid going to the store another day

That none of my children get hit by cars

That the dog isn’t foolish enough to get hit by a car, either, because it would devastate the kids

That whatever that banging noise is down the hall, is doesn’t cause permanent damage

That other people’s children who are unattended don’t fall through the ice on the river across the street

That I might have 5 minutes a day alone with my baby when he/she arrives

That my overly-affectionate toddler doesn’t actually throw or squash the babies he loves so much

That I’m not ruining my children by letting them watch Daniel Tiger

That I’m not giving my children diabetes by letting them drink gallons of orange juice

That the mysterious stain will come out of the couch upholstery.

That I will suddenly find patience, today

That no one shows up unannounced, because it’s so messy here

That some one will show up unannounced, because it’s lonely here sometimes

That no one gets sick and causes us to cancel our vacation plans

That my 4 year old won’t require stitches from learning to cut his fingernails

That I won’t get irretrievably fat from eating so much garbage while pregnant

That the baby gear I bought on Amazon isn’t poisonous or faulty

That my savvy 4-year-old doesn’t learn how to unbuckle his own car seat

That my 2-year-old will learn to use a toilet consistently before he’s 18

That “I NEED A BANDAID” is, as usual, a false alarm.

There are so, so many more. But those mothers weren’t kidding – and it’s not formal, sit down type praying over my children. It’s a constant running request line, almost subconscious, the alternative to which is constant panic. Because I’m only one mother, and I only have two hands and two eyes (one of which doesn’t work very well) and I’m uncoordinated, out of shape, and any number of other faults that prevent me from being SuperMom.

The Witching Hour

February 23, 2018Juli

Thoughts while sitting on the floor outside my 4-year-old’s room, listening to him scream and holding the door shut with my foot.

I can’t believe I’m in for another hour and a half of this.

My butt hurts.

My back hurts.

Scratch that, everything hurts. I’m 6 months pregnant, for crying out loud. This is not the best time to be sitting in my hallway on the floor for hours.

There has got to be a better (but still fitting) punishment than “timeout until Daddy comes home.”

Maybe the real problem is Daddy doesn’t come home early enough in the day.

It’s adorable that my 2-year-old thinks he needs to hold vigil here with me, chewing graham cracker crumbs all over the place and looking sympathetic.

Bet the teenager wishes he had something to do today after school. Is it possible he will go stark raving mad before 5 pm, with all this screaming?

This would be a whole lot easier if I put his doorknob on backwards so it locked from the outside. I’m sure that’s illegal.

This would also be easier if I was sitting with a glass of wine instead of coffee. Pregnancy strikes again.

I wonder how dinner is going to get made.

I need to go through the baby clothes sometime and size them carefully and discard the super old stained ones.

Forgot to take the Christmas wreath off the kids’ door. One decoration always gets left behind. Every year.

This toy chest my dad built the kids makes a great coffee table. Being that it’s out here in the hallway with me. Because the little boys were using it to climb up and open windows in the dead of winter. Naturally.

Aaaaaand now my leg is asleep.

Somedaaaaay my prince will cooooome (at 5 pm.)

Now the dog has joined the camp-out. If only this were actually for fun.

The screaming seems to have stopped. What a relief.

Laptop has entered dim-to-save-battery mode. Joy.

Is that the front door opening? IS IT?! I can’t leave my vigil to go and see, but dear sweet bejebus, I think it’s over.

How Outlander Revived My Marriage

December 30, 2017Juli

Yes, Outlander the TV series.

Revived my (Christian, commited, monogamous, first and only) marriage.

If you’re not familiar with the book series or STARZ show, please know that neither are safe for work or children, and this post may not be entirely PG either.

how outlander revived my marriage

Let’s start from a place of clear understanding:

My marriage has never been, per say, “in danger.” I don’t have “problems” that really need “saving.” (Hence why I chose the word “revived” not “saved.”) My husband is wonderful. We’ve built quite a life for ourselves out of nothing but tenacity and elbow grease. He’s a model father. I have no complaints.

What I did have was complacency.

Now, Outlander is quite the spectacle, as TV shows go. Being that it’s made for cable, it can get away with far more risque material than a network TV series could. I actually don’t know what it’s technically rated, but it’s definitely racy, scandalous, graphically violent, and sexual in nature. There is nudity – quite a bit of it. There are intimate scenes in nearly every episode. There is rape, and murder, and foul language, and all sorts of things that I wouldn’t guess would be beneficial to any marriage, and certainly not to a Christian one. I feel like saying “Outlander revived my marriage” sounds outrageous, like those who claim viewing pornography enhances their marriage (it doesn’t.)

But hear me out.

What struck me about this show, hooked me, and kept me (binge) watching through all 3 available seasons, was the marriage of the two main characters. Yes, they are very physically attractive people, and yes the drama of the plot sucks you in. But what captured me right from the get-go was the fact that their relationship is, foremost, a marriage. All of those sensual scenes take place within the context of marriage. And their fictional marriage is actually built on an extreme commitment, rarely found in stories (and probably even in real life.)

Of course it’s sensationalized. No real couple would face even half of the perils these two face, and in Western society it’s highly doubtful that a marriage would be agreed to under the circumstances theirs was. I’m not crazy.

But let me tell you, as the parents of four children, in our 8th year of marriage, there was a chasm of possibilities between where we were and where Jamie and Claire were.

————-

I wouldn’t choose “bored” to describe how I felt about my marriage. My husband is, in all honesty, the funniest and most interesting person I know. I would gladly spend all day every day just talking to this guy about any random topic that presented itself.

Perhaps ” too comfortable” could begin to label it. So comfortable that I no longer felt any pressure to prove my commitment, display particular physical affection, or act on my job as life partner to my husband.

As I watched the (extremely dramatic) marriage of Jamie and Claire play out on the screen, I was reminded to do all of these things. I was reminded that part of what makes the beginning of a marriage exciting and wonderful is the intentional behavior of the spouses. That adversity (which I don’t actually have right now) can drive people together because it forces them to go to bat for each other, and fight for their spouse (though usually not with actual weapons.) That a person needs to dig deep to support their spouse, needs to display outwardly the unconditional commitment they chose to pledge that person.

————-

The series is so well-acted and beautifully filmed that it is extremely poignant. It stuck with me, every episode of it, and quickly wormed its way into my subconscious and began affecting my behavior. Often, media affecting behavior is a bad thing, but in this case it caused me to be a better wife.

As I watched Jamie’s character and read many envious real-life women lament the lack of “real gentleman” in their husbands, I realized I have a Jamie. I certainly hope my husband never finds himself leading a rebel army, tortured in prison, shipwrecked, etc, but he certainly possesses the same unwavering commitment to me and treasures me the way Jamie does Claire. He’s tried to tell me as much before, and I always treated it as romantic nothings. Watching a fictional character play out these qualities in an arranged marriage apparently drove it home for me.

And I watched what sorts of things could be overcome, forgiven, smoothed over, and healed by a wife. How a strong wife can really be half of a dynamic team, without emasculating the husband. How allowing him to revere her (rather than cutting herself down) can strengthen the marriage and validate him. How many different levels of intimacy can be present in a healthy marriage, how they could possibly play out in day-to-day settings, how integral sex really is to a marriage.

————-

Could I have figured this out some other way? Sure! Are these all facts I have read and heard before? Yes. Did I have head knowledge of all of this and still stubbornly refuse to use it? You bet.

Something about my consumption of this series got my attention in the way books, experts, and even my own husband have never gotten my attention before. And in the weeks since I watched it, I’ve been a much better partner in so many ways, and have been actively enjoying my marriage like never before. In a fair number of ways, our relationship is the best it’s ever been (leaving up to your imagination what ways those are!)

And none of this is coming from a lustful place. None of it is imagining I’m with someone else, or pretending my life includes people or situations it does not. These kinds of fantasies can sometimes give a false notion of marital improvement, but actually are harmful long term. It is entirely recognizing my own amazing husband and my own shortcomings within the fiction.

What’s something unexpected that has improved your marriage?

“Real Clothes” – Dressing The Part

September 13, 2017September 19, 2017Juli

(Many thanks to Jennifer Scott at The Daily Connoisseur for being so articulate about the subject of “looking presentable always.”)

If you work outside the home, dressing well comes naturally because it is socially expected. If you’re a professional parent, wearing real clothes can get brushed aside because “no one’s going to see me.”

Except your family, y’know, the most important people in your life that you decided to dedicate your career to serving.

Just those people.

dressing the part what you wear matters sahm wardrobe

Why?

It’s a lot more motivating to get up off the couch and get something done if you’re dressed like something important is going on. Because your tasks are important – homemaking and child-rearing are of utmost importance. It’s surprising what a mental game our grooming can play. This is the same reason law firms have business dress requirements, and many schools have uniforms.

I feel that there is another parallel we can draw from the business world – “Dress for the job you want.” Now, we have chosen to be home, so this is the job we want. But what do we want FROM our job? To be taken seriously by our children, spouse, peers, community? To “have it all together?” To be tidy? These causes are all helped by DRESSING like someone who commands respect, has it together, is tidy – rather than someone who just roused themselves from slumber to put out proverbial fires.

Dressing presentably always also helps eliminate decision fatigue and the need to change throughout the day. My pajamas are presentable, so it’s okay if my teenager needs something after I’m ready for bed. My clothes I choose in the morning are nice enough to wear to run errands, to school events, even to dinner out at the last minute. (It actually occurred a few weeks ago where we were out for a family walk, and a friend drove by in her car and invited us to dinner in half an hour. Threw a diaper on the youngest, and out we went – no need to “spruce up.”) I only need to choose one outfit each day, and I don’t have to take anything into account other than the temperature.

How?

Dressing the part becomes much easier if you simplify your wardrobe. This is where capsule wardrobes come in. (This topic has been done lots of justice by lots of other bloggers, so I’m not rehashing the entire thing.) But pay attention to what’s in your mom capsule – PAJAMAS ARE NOT CLOTHES. If you wouldn’t wear them to the office, why are they in your work environment at home? My mom capsule wardrobe is lots of washable, comfortable fabrics, but consists of dresses or tunics and leggings. Personal preference – if you’re a pants girl, more power to you! (BUT REAL PANTS. NOT YOGA PANTS.)

Check the blogosphere, YouTube, and Pinterest for ideas about mom capsule wardrobes. Sit and think about what kinds of clothes you like best, and how those might become part of a “real clothes” wardrobe. (If you love yoga pants best, think about leggings and tunics. If you love raiding your husband’s closet, think dolman sleeves or trapeze tops and dresses.)

You may need a serious declutter of your closet for any of this to be plausible. I suggest the Kon Mari method (as found in the book The Lifechanging Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo) so that you can purge out all the ratty, sloppy clothes and keep only things that work for you and are lovely.

FAQs

“Don’t you get messy?” Why yes, yes I do. Then I wash my clothes. If you’re talking about serious mess, I do wear aprons while cooking. If I’m bleaching or painting, I have a coverall (like a mechanic would have) that I put on over my clothes.

“But don’t you want to be comfortable?” Of course. I don’t buy things I find uncomfortable! Comfort is about cut and fabric, not item of clothing.

“Why bother? Nobody sees you all day.” My children (who learn best by example) and my spouse see me.
And let me tell you, random people show up at my door. Once I was down with a back injury and my mother-in-law offered to come help around the house. She (surprise!) brought a friend of hers that I had never met in my life. Thank goodness I was wearing real clothes! It was embarrassing enough that a woman I’d just met was scrubbing my pots and pans.
Another time my best friend dropped her children off with no notice, because of a medical emergency. Glad I had gotten dressed that day.
And beyond folks ringing my door bell, I never have to change or think twice about running to the store, the post office, my kid’s school, etc. Always prepared. I don’t even usually have to change for social events in the evening.

The outfit shots incorporated into the image for this post are authentic. I never stage an outfit for my OOTD pictures on Instagram, obviously, since I’m wearing slippers in many of them! That’s what I actually wear, to all the regular events of my life. (Sometimes I wear something fancier to church, but that’s about it!)

To Work or Not To Work – Another Story

August 15, 2017August 10, 2017Juli

Deb posted the story of her working motherhood in this post recently, and I wanted to share mine, as well.

It’s quite opposite! All mommas and all families are so very different. And these two stories, which have unfolded in an intertwined way (we are besties in real life, if you didn’t know) puts me in awe of how our plans are not God’s plans. I would never have pegged us for the kinds of moms we are today, had you asked me before we had children!

working mom or sahm

(Why a pie? That’s a little later in the story!)

I never, ever, intended to be a stay-at-home mom.

In my early adulthood, I wasn’t even certain I wanted to have children at all! But once I settled on a career path (education) I definitely decided that I was never “quitting my job” to “stay home and clean.”

Straight out of college (that would be 1 1/2 years into marriage) I got a teaching job. I – surprise!- was pregnant with our first child during my second year of teaching.

I love teaching. Teaching while pregnant wasn’t that difficult (I even directed a musical that first nauseating trimester!) and I had every intention of returning to work. I took a 6 week maternity leave during which my (also a teacher) husband substitute taught for me, but I was itching to get back in that classroom. My husband stayed home with our son, and off I went (breastpump in hand – what a drag!) I had a student teacher in my classroom that year, and she’d play with the baby sometimes while I worked after school. I found myself nursing a baby while meeting with colleagues in my classroom. We played baby shuffle (husband dropped off baby after school, rushed to a job running a teen center after school hours, I returned baby in the evenings to direct music in church, attend extracurricular practices, etc.)

I was a working momma for two years. I occasionally had to cancel a practice or bow out of an activity for a sick child, but it was definitely manageable. I always scooted home for dinner and bedtime, often returning to my classroom after my son was sleeping to finish grading papers, preparing centers, writing up progress reports, or rearranging desks. My students and colleagues loved my son and he enjoyed hanging around school.

Then the climate of my school shifted – administration changed, faculty began to turn over, some difficult families came through my classroom. I began to feel burned out, like I was giving 120% to my job and getting little but Mom Guilt in return.

I actually had a second baby in order to quit my job with a clean conscience.

To be fair, we wanted another child and the spacing was ideal, anyway.

That spring, I realized that rather than trying to impart knowledge and life skills to 25 kids I hadn’t parented until the age of 13, I wanted desperately to be home with mine and parent them from the get-go. I wanted to hang out laundry, and babywear, and make pie, and teach babies German, and read aloud, and go on walks. I suddenly had a very clear vision of what I imagined my life to be like, and that job in that moment was not it.

So I directed one last musical while severely nauseated, wrapped up one last round of graduations and Algebra placement tests, packed up my classroom, and went home.

And it was a learning curve, don’t get me wrong. I am by no means a born stay-at-home-mom – I’m scatterbrained, and sarcastic, and a night owl, and not patient, and massively disorganized, and prefer the company of adults or solitude. I spent a few months drowning in my new role and having no idea how to manage homemaking or two small children or how to be a living person and not just a soggy mess.

But I’m also fiercely stubborn. I was determined to make a success of this stay-at-home-mom gig. I made schedules. I made lists. I planned activities. I walked every day. I drank a lot of coffee, and said a lot of prayers, and tried to learn patience and humility and self-denial. I’m still learning all of those things every day.

But I’ve never regretted going on hiatus from teaching. I fully intend to go back, when my youngest child is in kindergarten. I still love the job ( I even substitute and help coach drama at my husband’s school, because I do miss the atmosphere and the big kids!) but I have learned to love being a professional mother. I’ve learned to see it as a real vocation, with skill to be gained and talents to be applied.

I was not born a stay-at-home mom. I’m not probably a typical one, either. I don’t homeschool, I don’t iron, I don’t exercise, I don’t sell anything, I don’t manage sports teams, I don’t have “girls’ nights” or “Mommy and Me” mornings. But this is where our family ended up, and we are happy. My husband is happily teaching full time, and I am working every day to make our home run smoothly and simply, getting my self-fulfillment from lots of coffee and blogging and YouTube, and spending these years with my goofy little boys.

And I rarely make pie. (Pie makes me frustrated!) But I COULD if I wanted to!

working mom or stay-at-home mom

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To work or not to work? Is that the question? -deb

August 10, 2017Juli

So your pregnant and are looking to the future. Are you going to stay home with your newborn or are you going to go back to work? It’s a question all new parents must struggle with. In sharing my story I’m hoping to give you some insights into why my family made the decisions we did as pertaining to working with kids.

When I caught baby fever, about a year into our marriage, my husband and I talked about how we wanted to raise our family and when it would work best for us to have our first child. We originally made plans that I would be a stay at home mom and we would adjust our budget to make that possible. This seemed like a perfect plan, my husband was on schedule with his schooling to get a full-time paid internship and then would only have one year of school left. We figured we could make the sacrifices needed to make our plans a reality.

When we found out we were pregnant with our first it seemed like our plans were falling into place. God had different plans for us though, my husband’s school track changed. With my husband’s school track changing our plans changed and we decided that me working full-time would be the best decision for our family. My husband’s schedule changed to classes twice a week instead of everyday so he was able to be home with our daughter most of the time and when he had class we had been able to find an in home daycare for her to go to. I regretted not being home with her but I told myself that she slept most of the time anyway so I wasn’t missing much. I took advantage of every minute I was home with her though.

When our daughter was a year old I was able to be a stay at home mom. I thought I would rock at this job. This was my dream come true. I had all of my time to dedicate to my daughter and would be able to give her all my attention. I knew getting out would be key to my success, so we went to story time at the library. I had all this time and she was showing signs of readiness so we started potty training. I would had all sorts of time to do anything we wanted. It didn’t take long though till I was crazy and bored.

My daughter wouldn’t take naps when I wanted her to. I was unable to do even my short to do list. My daughter wanted me to sit and watch her play for hours. I couldn’t handle it. My one year old was emotionally draining me everyday and I wasn’t finding any joy in being with her. Although staying home was something I thought I wanted to do I was really struggling with this lifestyle mentally and emotionally.

I went back to work when my daughter was 19 months old. I worked full-time and sent my daughter to daycare. I was again struck by mom guilt with leaving my child under someone else’s care, but I realized I was able to enjoy spending time with her in the evenings and on the weekends instead of dreading the whole day when I woke up and didn’t really know what the day would bring.

I thought that maybe the number of kids affected my ability to stay home, so when we had our second child I again tried to stay home. It wasn’t the crazy boredom this time but the housekeeping that drove me crazy. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations for myself and just can’t let them go. I felt that since I was home all day there really wasn’t a reason why I couldn’t keep my house immaculately clean every day or cross items off my to do list every day.

So when I was offered a position to teach part time which I jumped on it, and here I am now working part time with three kids and for the most part enjoying the craziness that a busy schedule brings.

Do I think all parents should work? No. Do I think all families should have one parent at home with their kids? No, that has to be left up to each family to decide. I want people to realize that there is more to consider in the decision making process then can we afford this option or that option. Leave yourself open to both options if at all possible. Be aware that what you always saw for yourself as a parent may not be what works best for you in the trenches of parenthood.

Are you a stay at home mom or a working mom? Do you have any pointers on how you made the decision to work or not to work? Leave a comment below.