Author: Juli

Advent Intentions

Advent Intentions

Juli
Notebook featuring Advent Intentions, illustrated with holly and gift tags

In an effort to simplify my Christmas preparations, and provide more focus for the month of December on things I truly find valuable, I created a list of Advent Intentions in 2019. I kept them exactly the same in 2020, and it’s about time I share them.

If you’re not familiar with the word, “Advent” refers to the time of preparation for Christmas, traditionally the entire month of December.

Some of these goals and focuses are religious in nature, some are not. They’re not in any kind of priority order (in fact they’re not numbered or in a list at all; my planner sheet is kind of artsy and random.)

  1. Let the old go to let the new in.
    This is born of my general life philosophy of both physical and mental clutter. We let go of old clothing, toys, gadgets, etc in order to make physical space for new gifts we might receive. But we also might need to let go of some old mindsets or emotional baggage in order to make way for new memories, traditions, and goal-setting in the new year.
  2. Kids remember feelings, not flash.
    When I think back on my childhood Christmases, I don’t recall more than a handful of special gifts (and I have a remarkable memory!) I recall the traditions we did much more, and the general festive cozy feeling of my house at those times. If we can create comfort and family, the “stuff” is unecessary.
  3. People before stuff.
    In all decisions (not only at the holidays!) I have a goal to put people before stuff. If my management of possessions detracts from my quality time with my kids, then it’s time to let them go. If running about buying and wrapping gifts or trying to hang decor makes me have to say, “not now, Mom is busy” frequently, then it’s too much. If I can give of my time or possessions or money to make someone else’s year better, then I would much rather serve people than have more stuff for myself.
  4. If it’s stressful, it’s not worshipful.
    My main focus in this season is on Jesus. If something I’m striving to do is stressing me out, then it’s not serving the purpose of glorifying or worshiping that baby Savior.
  5. Classy and graceful.
    Perhaps that’s very personal and sort of vain. This goal has a little to do with my entertaining and my personal grooming. My philosophy of “looking presentable always” actually makes this easier, since I’m not really putting in extra effort just because it’s the holidays. But this has a bigger meaning for me in terms of conversations. At a time of year when (typically) I find myself at holiday parties with business acquaintances, extended family, and invited guests I’ve never met, I try to maintain a generally classy, graceful manner. Trying not to talk too much about myself, trying not to be judgmental or rude, trying to make everyone feel welcome are some ways I use this goal.
  6. Some people you have to use up the way they are.
    This was a quote from my late grandmother, from whom I learned much. She used to say this all the time when faced with someone who was rude to her, or with whom she didn’t see eye-to-eye. She said this to me if I ever complained about someone else’s personality or behavior. It helps me to remember when I’m facing many social interactions with people sometimes very different from myself. Can’t change relatives or work associates!

I keep these as the very first sheet in my planner in the Christmas section. Yes, I have a whole section. Because it’s a lot of organizing! But as I turn to that tab, I have no choice but to encounter this sheet first before I find recipes or gift lists or schedules or To Dos. Get my priorities fresh in mind before I tackle whatever holiday task I’m starting.

These could also be Hanukkah intentions, if that’s the holiday you celebrate. I’m sure they would work for other holidays, as well, but I’ve not experienced those!

If you’re interested in more Christmas simplifying, check out my recent video on 4 things I’m simplifying (more) this year!
https://youtu.be/TvreLPiTsQo

Quarantine Boredom Busters – for adults!

Juli

Social media is being inundated with ideas of how to occupy your children while they’re out of school/in quarantine this spring. But what about you? You might be juggling working from home and trying to help your kids with their distance learning, but in the event you have free time and can no longer socialize or go out on errands, what could you do?

Here are some ideas for beating quarantine boredom.

I’m an introvert – I’m essentially an expert on staying home and occupying myself!

Learn a language
Or brush up on the one you learned in high school. Many local libraries have free access to https://www.duolingo.com/ or other language learning websites/apps. Maybe you even still have your old workbooks gathering dust in the basement. Now’s the time! (Double down and teach it to your kids or spouse or pet, too.)

Declutter
If you’ve been meaning to get on this minimalism bandwagon (or you did so several years ago and the clutter has crept back in…. hahem…) now is a great time. Plus you’ll be sitting in your house looking at all this STUFF that makes you irritated – great time to get rid of it!
I have a dedicated “purge” closet where I toss anything I find on a given day that I want to declutter. It’s probably best in the event of a multi-week quarantine declutter to have a dedicated space. I guarantee you’ll find more than a tote full of stuff!

Little home improvement projects
Have painting you’ve been neglecting? New hardware to put up in the kitchen? A piece of trim that’s come loose? Outlet covers to replace?

Catch up on memory keeping
Whatever it is that you do – order printed photos online? Scrapbook? Baby books that are years past current (raises hand!)

Cook/bake
I think a lot of us secretly enjoy cooking or baking, but not in the “just got home from work and have to make dinner” kind of way. Take the opportunity to try fun recipes if you can find the ingredients. Or start some sourdough bread (takes hardly any ingredients!) Get creative with weird pantry items you find way in the back.

Work on that TBR list
What?! You don’t HAVE a TBR (too be read) list??? Time to get one, I guess.
I have a TBR shelf. Bookshelf. Two 6-foot-tall bookshelves. =)

Start your garden
Every year, we pledge to start our garden earlier. We never find the time until late May, so our veggies never really get a good start and never produce much. If you’re finding yourself at home for the majority of spring, order some seeds and get them started indoors! (You can garden in flowerpots if you’re an apartment dweller.)

Spring Cleaning
I know, I know, that doesn’t sound fun. But might as well pick one small thing a day and get it done. Baseboards one day? Dust ceiling fans one day? Scrub off kitchen cabinets, clean the inside of your washing machine, vacuum under the couch cushions… you get the idea. It should take 10-15 minutes to do one of those, and by the end of three weeks your house will be SO. CLEAN.

Any more adult boredom-busters to share? Leave a comment! We’re all in this together.

How Many Sheets Do I Need?

Juli

The age-old question – how many sets of sheets (bedding, blankets, etc) do we actually need?

Your linen closet is overflowing, you want to KonMari, but you’re afraid to keep “too few” sets of bedding.

Well, I can definitively tell you how many you need.

how many sheets do i need



How is it that I’m an expert on how many sheets you should have?
Because I: 1) Have four kids, between 14 and 9 months
2) Live in a four-seasons climate
3) Just lived through 2 or 3 bouts of whole-family stomach flu IN A ROW.

Yup.

The answer is, mostly, 2.

But I have kids
The baby has four crib sheets, because in those early days sometimes you need two in one night and then need them again for a nap shortly after morning.
Even at the height of stomach flu, my 5- and 3- year old only went through two sheets a night, and there was time to wash them. Worst case scenario (the 3-year-old) the messes continued but seriously, at that point, he was sleeping on a towel. Because mess.
My teenager has two sets, and if he doesn’t remember to wash or dry them, well that’s his tough noogies.
We have two sets, because accidents don’t happen to adults, hopefully!

But it’s cold/hot here!
Look, I live in the Midwest. Even this year, during what was called a Polar Vortex (!) I did not own flannel sheets. Layers, just like clothes. Regular cotton sheets that BREATHE are good for summer and then you layer on a blanket and duvet for winter. Done. The nights it was crazy crazy cold, I warmed up our bed (and the baby’s crib) with rice packs before sleeping, but that’s the only time in 10 years I’ve needed to do such a thing.

But what if…
Look. If something crazy happens, what are the odds you’re up for putting on a third set of sheets in a night?! At that point you’re sleeping on a towel, or on the bathroom floor, or you’re no longer sleeping. Worst case scenario, you sleep without sheets for part of a night, and that won’t kill you. Again, the first time in 10 years and four children that we ran through all the sheets in one night, and the laundry was under control by bedtime the next night. It is NOT worth the “what if” to store sets of excess sheets and clog up my linen closet.

Full disclosure:
We do have a spare duvet for our bed. Because our dog has been known to pee on it (super gross) and it takes FOREVER to dry a duvet.

So there you go! Two sets of sheets per bed. It will be okay. Let go of the excess. I promise.

Postpartum Body Image

Juli

Body image is such a journey.  Postpartum is such a journey.

It’s exhausting.

postpartum body image

I feel like I was given a serious lucky break when it comes to my postpartum body, in that I morphed gradually.  After my first baby, I snapped back to my pre-pregnancy weight almost immediately, had very few stretch marks, and felt very much like myself.
After the second, there was some unusual thickness around the middle and a little different hair texture (my curls fell into moreso waves) but overall, still alright.

But this third baby… oh, daughter, what you hath wrought.

I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.
There is some kind of lower-abdomen situation that cannot be disguised even by Spanx.
My skin seems to have taken a serious turn – vicious acne during and after pregnancy, texture problems, some sort of extreme dryness? and total lack of vitality or elasticity.
My hair fell out in clumps and has grown back in so much straighter.  (I self-identify with my big, curly hair – this is a blow.)
Essentially, I look and feel like a mom of four and am fighting tooth and nail not to “let myself go.”

It’s not that I don’t care how I look anymore.  It’s not that I’m no longer interesting in style.  It’s not even that I’m too tired and pressed for time to look presentable.
It’s that everything I knew about my physical self is different.  I spent decades of my life, as most women do, getting to know my body, my skin, my hair – its limitations, its beauty, the way to get it to look and feel its best.  And all the sudden I’m starting all over.

I’m too old for this.

I should not be hitting another awkward middle school stage in my 30s.

I knew how to dress myself to my best advantage, how to style my hair, how to take care of my face as best I could.  And I’ve gone back in time to a bathroom full of failed products, scraping my hair up in a ponytail because it “won’t behave,” throwing on baggy clothing and hoping for the best.

I know, deep down, that it doesn’t matter what I look like.  That nothing about my value as a person or a mother has anything to do with my physical appearance.  But it matters to ME.
Sometimes I think we (mothers? society? I don’t know who the “we” is) forget that something gets to matter JUST FOR THE MOTHER.
I’m preoccupied with trying to accept myself, AGAIN, when I thought I’d already gotten those issues out of the way in my early 20s. I don’t want to go back to my whole life before kids, I’d just like to feel in my skin the way I used to.  Comfortable.  Sassy.  Take-me-or-leave-me.  A little quirky and a little effortless and a little classy.

I don’t know where that woman is hiding, behind these eye bags and droopy flannels and stringy hair.  I really want to find her.  I forget sometimes that there are a good many people in my life who’ve NEVER MET HER.  Who didn’t know me before children.  I feel like they’re missing out.  I’m missing out.  My husband/ life partner/ best friend is missing out.  I’m missing out.

Let me tuck my mom stomach into  my high-waist-control-top leggings and do some yoga.  Maybe there I’ll find a little bit of her.

You Can’t Take it With You: Spending Money in my 30s

Juli

Spending money?
Say what?

spending money in my 30s

I’m usually all about saving money, but I think in some small ways I’m starting to change my tune.

I’ve been straight up miserly since childhood – I was the kid with several piggy banks stuffed full, who never spent my birthday money on anything.

I had so much cash that in high school I became the go-to friend for a loan.  And I didn’t mind at all.

In college, I rode a skateboard to work because I didn’t own a car. I stretched restaurant gift cards by ordering nothing but muffins and tea.  I made my friends all birthday cakes, with 88 cent mixes and a 50 cent can of soda.

When we first got married, I could make dinner for four adults with a single chicken breast and Knorr Pasta Side.  No exaggeration.

Pre-owned clothing.  Pre-owned furniture.  Flipping a house.  Craigslisting.  Putting off car repairs.  You name it, we do it super frugally.

But today, I spent $30 on Christmas wrapping supplies, and I realized something.

We have been so careful with our money, for so long, that we deserve to spend a little of it on making our lives easier.

My husband got a sort-of promotion this year (he went from teacher to principal, but not the fancy kind of well-paid principal) and so far we haven’t really taken advantage of that whatsoever.  We’ve been saving up for a big vacation next year for five years, and we have some home remodeling we’ve budgeted for, but our day-to-day spending remains super tight-fisted.

Until I stopped in the Christmas aisles of the store today, and bought the first wrapping paper I liked, and the fancy name tags, and the nice ribbon.  Most years, I wait until I can get to the bigger store (an hour away) with the BIG rolls of INEXPENSIVE wrapping paper, and spend hours DIYing decorations and tags for the packages.  It takes forever.  I enjoy it at the beginning but then it majorly stresses me out.  So this year, I just paid for the fancy stuff right now, in early November, and can leisurely wrap my presents at will.

Definitely worth $30.

There are other things I’ve recently decided are worth the money or cupboard space after years of refusing them.

A griddle.  I always felt like owning an electric griddle was a kitchen-space extravagance; after all, can’t I just use a pan on the stove.
But I’ve got a pretty large family now, and making pancakes two at a time in a pan was taking more time than it was worth.  I asked for a griddle as a gift (a practical one – it flips over to become an indoor grill) and have used it multiple times already in only a couple weeks.

Good pens.  Sure, I could stick it out with the free or very-inexpensive ballpoint pens, but I do a lot of handwriting and every single time I touch a ballpoint to paper I’m irritated.  (I have a problem.)  Flair pens, always, regardless of the extra $.

Better hangers.  YEARS of slipping clothes, followed by years of breaking hangers, and I’ve finally landed on all-one-piece metal hangers coated in something.  Worth the extra.
___________________________________________________________

Essentially, if I use it every day and it’s not too extravagant, or if it will save me serious stress and effort, it has become worth it to me.  After all, I’ve spent 25 years being careful with my money – and you can’t take it with you.

Unusual Sanity-Savers for Mom

Juli

I don’t do much in the “usual” fashion – mothering, or the rest of my life.

So “normal” moms might do things like spa days, girls’ nights, color-coding… that’s not my jam.  Here are some sanity-savers I use in my house that might be more eccentric.

tea and lavender - unusual sanity savers for moms

I don’t fold half the laundry.

Seriously, why?  Have you ever stopped to consider WHY you fold laundry?
Some things get wrinkly if they’re not folded – fine.  But my underwear?  My toddler’s socks?  The washcloths? None of that needs folding, truly, and it saves so much time not to!  I don’t fold my pants and shirts, either; I hang them up.

Afternoon coffee.

My 4-year-old is an early bird, and I am definitely NOT.  So a peaceful cup of morning coffee sans-kiddos is not ever going to happen in my life.
Instead, I take my big huge mug of coffee during nap time in the afternoon.  Then I can truly sit down and unwind without any crazy background antics going on.  For maximum effect, take with a healthy portion of chocolate.

Dum Dums

Yes, I dare to give my kids artificial colors and flavors and sugars, in the middle of 2018 parenting.  If I have an important errand to run, or something goes long, or it would be very inappropriate to deal with a meltdown (Good Friday church, for example) I hand my little boys Dum Dum suckers and say a little prayer for the health of their teeth.  It keeps them quiet for about ten minutes, so maybe I can use my brain to figure out something in a store, or can deal with a car repair, or can make a phone call.

Subscriptions

I can’t be bothered to remember things like razors and shaving cream so I use Dollar Shave Club.

I can’t remember diapers and wipes, either (nor can I fit them in a cart with three small children!) so I have them automatically shipped from Target and Amazon, respectively.  Also on my Amazon subscriptions are such gems as pee mats for the dog, dishwasher tabs, my tea, mascara, and M&Ms.  Not kidding.

There are subscription services for so many things these days – even clothing and shoes, if you find you don’t have time or desire to keep up with clothing yourself.  Whatever you can take off your plate for no or small additional cost, go for it!

Extremely Routine Meal Planning

I serve the same kind of food on the same day of the week, every week.

Sunday: Something using the fresh groceries (experiment new recipe night)
Monday: Rice, meat, veggie
Tuesday: Tacos (or nachos, quesadillas, etc)
Wednesday: Pasta
Thursday: Sandwiches or Breakfast for dinner
Friday: Pizza
Saturday: Pasta

Every. Single. Week.  Meal planning saves you from thinking about meals at 4 pm: my way saves me from thinking about meal planning.  I can vary things like meats and vegetables and sauces based on what was on sale at the grocery store, but the framework is there.  My kids enjoy it, too, since they always know what’s for dinner.

Extremely Routine Entertaining / Vacationing

I throw the same parties, over and over.  Every single 4th of July, I throw an identical party with the same food, same beverages, same lawn games.  Every Christmas gathering I throw is the same, every year.  Every kids’ first birthday party has the same food and cake, just decorated differently around a loose theme (but every theme is a children’s book, so still very similar!)

Every group vacation, I bring the same food and entertainment to contribute.  Every camping trip, we plan and eat the same food.  I even pack the same clothes for any vacation of similar temperature.

I even do identical activities every Advent with my family, every Hanukkah season, etc.  I make the same treats to share every holiday season.  Holiday traditions are secretly easy ways to have fun without thinking too hard.

These parties, vacations, etc are only planned once a year, so it’s not super repetitious or obvious that I’m doing the same thing as last year.  I keep permanent lists for packing and grocery shopping, permanent record of how many batches I need to bake, how many paper goods to have on hand, the whole nine yards.  When the event or trip is coming up, I whip out my lists and just do the same thing I did last time.

With all those tips, am I totally sane now?

Of course not.  I have four kids – I am obviously nuts.  But at least I can keep some of the crazies at bay, find a few minutes of me-time, and celebrate events without being completely berserk.  Worth it!

Anything unusual you do to keep your sanity?  Share!

 

The Simple Joys of Postpartum Life

Juli

No sugarcoating: postpartum (the “fourth trimester,” if you will) Is no walk in the park.  It’s a messy, uncomfortable, sleepless stage of life.

But man, there are some really sweet things, too.

simple joy of postpartum

  1. Finally getting to look that baby in the face!  The sweet, squishy, cross-eyed face.
  2. STOMACH SLEEPING.  I didn’t even realize how often I end up on my stomach before morning, and how insanely comfortable it is.
  3. New topics of conversation.  Maybe this doesn’t apply to everybody, but as a hardcore introvert I find small talk to be quite difficult.  Toting a new little baby around creates its own conversation.
  4. No one notices how you look.  Related to #3, everybody is looking at that adorable baby, and no one is looking at your (crazy unwashed) hair or your (rumpled goobered) clothes.
  5. Napping justification.  It’s hard even for the most entrenched mom guilt to judge you for catching some snooze time when baby does (it’s even decreed by doctors!)
  6. Slowing down and letting go.  My midwife seriously told me not to lift a finger for two weeks.  So I didn’t.  It was marvelous!  Turns out the world keeps spinning even if I don’t do my own laundry, dishes, cooking, or cleaning.
  7. An appreciation for “normal.”  It’s lovely after 9 months of upheaval to find a new “normal” routine, without myriad appointments or making tentative plans for the month you’re due.  It’s actually enjoyable to bend over and pick up things off the floor, get out of bed, shave your legs, cut your own toenails, etc after months of these tasks being serious hard work.  Gives you a renewed sense of gratitude for your body in it’s “normal” state.

I’m sure there are many, many more postpartum joys that I haven’t included in this list.  Leave a comment if you’ve got more positivity about postpartum to share!

Baby #3 | Third Trimester Recap

Juli

Spoiler Alert: I already had the baby.  But how does one recap something that isn’t over yet?

third trimester pregnancy photo

Third Trimester Recap

Feeling: Oh. My. Word.  I’m not sure if it’s the third baby thing, or the being-30 thing, but this pregnancy is kicking my butt!  I’ve got all kinds of ligament and pelvic pain I’ve never had before, this bump seems to weigh a hundred pounds, and I’m struggling to enjoy the end of this pregnancy because of it!  Trying to maintain perspective, that all of these aches and pains will soon switch to postpartum aches and pains, which are at least different!

Eating: EVERYTHING.  Since I’m not worried about swelling anymore (My feet always swell the last few weeks) I have gone back to carbs.  And chocolate.  And carbs with chocolate.  Essentially I want to eat  chocolate chip cookies all day every day.  And my oldest son just had a big confirmation party, so we’ve got chips and desserts all over the place that I’m packing away with no apologies.

Trying: To really savor the end of this pregnancy, and my time with my three boys before child #4 enters the picture.  My time with my personal space before someone is attached to me 24/7 for the next few months.  Trying to live very in-the-moment and not wish the days away, since this may be my last pregnancy (not that I’m really in control of that, now am I.)

Working on:  Not going into labor before our school musical (hubby and I put on the school musical every year.)  As in, sitting on the couch all day every day until the day of the musical, hoping to not mess it up for everyone!
Also actually being packed ahead of time.  I’ve never packed a “hospital” bag until I’m actually in early labor (it gives me something to do while waiting for active labor) but with this being baby #3 and living 45 minutes from my birth center, I think it wise to be pre-packed this time.

The Prayers of a Mother

Juli

My mother (and other wise mothers in my life) have always admonished me that prayer is a mother’s most powerful tool.  That having children of my own would cause me the height of all worry, and, in turn, anxious prayer.

They were right.

prayers of a mother

In no particular order, a prayer that:

That my toddlers don’t manage to poison themselves while I take a 5 minute shower

That someone is kind to my 13-year-old on his first day of a new school

That there is enough juice so I can avoid going to the store another day

That none of my children get hit by cars

That the dog isn’t foolish enough to get hit by a car, either, because it would devastate the kids

That whatever that banging noise is down the hall, is doesn’t cause permanent damage

That other people’s children who are unattended don’t fall through the ice on the river across the street

That I might have 5 minutes a day alone with my baby when he/she arrives

That my overly-affectionate toddler doesn’t actually throw or squash the babies he loves so much

That I’m not ruining my children by letting them watch Daniel Tiger

That I’m not giving my children diabetes by letting them drink gallons of orange juice

That the mysterious stain will come out of the couch upholstery.

That I will suddenly find patience, today

That no one shows up unannounced, because it’s so messy here

That some one will show up unannounced, because it’s lonely here sometimes

That no one gets sick and causes us to cancel our vacation plans

That my 4 year old won’t require stitches from learning to cut his fingernails

That I won’t get irretrievably fat from eating so much garbage while pregnant

That the baby gear I bought on Amazon isn’t poisonous or faulty

That my savvy 4-year-old doesn’t learn how to unbuckle his own car seat

That my 2-year-old will learn to use a toilet consistently before he’s 18

That “I NEED A BANDAID” is, as usual, a false alarm.

 

There are so, so many more.  But those mothers weren’t kidding – and it’s not formal, sit down type praying over my children.  It’s a constant running request line, almost subconscious, the alternative to which is constant panic.  Because I’m only one mother, and I only have two hands and two eyes (one of which doesn’t work very well) and I’m uncoordinated, out of shape, and any number of other faults that prevent me from being SuperMom.

 

 

 

Baby #3 | Second Trimester Recap

Juli

At the time of writing, I’m significantly past my second trimester.  Sorry not sorry.  There are, like, a lot of kids here.

second trimester recap

 

Second Trimester Recap:

Feeling – Mood swing-y.  I never experienced this in previous pregnancies, so I don’t know if it’s a new symptom of this one, or just that I now have so many more children at home whose behaviors I’m responding to.  But let me tell you, I’ve been CRABBY.
Also, I have more physical discomfort this time around.  I blame my not-quite-healed diastasis recti from last pregnancy, so I don’t have the ab support I need this time around.  I’ve got a bum hip, some serious ligament pain, and overall more waddle than usual!

Eating – Anything now, though I’m trying to be low carb per my midwife’s suggestion, to avoid fluid retention (which started to rear it’s ugly head early!)

Trying – So many supplements!  I’m using Floradix to boost my iron now, still taking daily magnesium, and using a more natural prenatal vitamin.  I notice the days I forget to take them!

Working on – Getting the house and other kids prepared for baby.  That means getting bunk beds for the two littles, trying to figure out where to put the baby to sleep, and talking about what newborns need and are like with both the highly-invested 2-year-old and the actually-capable-of-helping 13-year-old.