So, here we are. 8 months into a world wide pandemic. Anyone else going crazy yet. I am balancing things this year that I never thought I would have to balance. I am stressed. I am struggling to find stress relief in a time when staying at home is the norm. I am looking for the easy win.
I was listening to a podcast the other day. (Beyond the To Do List with Eric Fischer) On the the host had a guest talking about time as money. It talked about how we could treat time like we treat money in our bank accounts. It wasn’t the topic that made me think, but something the guest said. She said that when we are stressed we can tend to say yes to things more easily because it feels like a win.
This made me think. I had been trying to find something to say yes to in my life because of the stress load I am carrying. I was looking for the easy win. When my state first locked down last spring, my life was pretty easy. I did my tasks for work. Helped my kids complete their school work. The house didn’t bother me as much because of the six people that were contained in it everyday. I was able to accomplish things and feel good about what I accomplished most days.
Fast forward to this fall when many of my responsibilities became heavier because of the times and the stress climbed. I feel like I work from dawn to dusk everyday to complete the tasks with little down time and still not everything gets done or there are always things that I could do better. I struggle to find time sometimes or even just find the activity that removes me from the stress and reenergizes me to keep moving the next day. I can’t seem to find relief from my workload either at home or at school.
Like most people I’ve struggled with mental health over the last few months and it looks to continue until things get back to any sense of normalcy. My body and mind crave a break from the craziness. They want to focus on something other than work, home, politics, or health. I spend time everyday thinking about how I need to move forward in this to keep my family safe but also keep my own sanity.
I don’t have any answers to how to destress in this crazy time. I’m just coming here to say something I don’t think enough people are saying which is: Life is hard right now It even downright sucks. The decisions we are making, the jobs we are doing aren’t what we planned for or expected to be doing in 2020. This doesn’t mean I want to wallow in this feeling of loss and deprivation, but it does mean I acknowledge that this is not what I planned or wanted.
I will not feel guilty for grieving for things in my life, even though there may be people who never had those things to grieve for. I will grieve the normalcy I miss. I will grieve the holidays I wanted to spend with family. I will grieve the moments my kids don’t get with extended family. At the same time, I will try my best to take care of myself and my family both physically and mentally. I will continue to turn to God both in prayer and in his Word for comfort and guidance in these crazy times. I will continue to treat those around me with kindness and understanding, knowing that everyone sees this situation differently. They see different solutions to the problems at hand. I will stop looking for the easy win, because there is no easy win. Life isn’t meant to be a cake walk.
Hopefully, I will come out on the other side of this trial stronger, but even if I don’t, I know that God is using me to shine as his light here on this earth for those who are lost in darkness and have a lot more to lose. I will learn to appreciate the time I have with my family and my students. I will learn that not everything needs to be done by me. I will learn that life isn’t about the next task to be completed. I will learn that God has given me so many blessings that I can’t help but thank him for the amazing life he has given me even though right now it may be hard. I will learn that there is no easy win, but that life is hard. I will learn there is joy to be found even in the moments where life seems unbelievably hard.